Shamless Bragging

So, some people may not agree with why I am so proud of my husband. Whatever, I don't care. I think he is awesome. I also don't brag a whole lot because I think it's ooshy gooshy and the majority of the world just doesn't care. However this week Matt helped someone that half this community has been making fun of. Matt has a student that is Muslim and chose to come to GWU for school. You would think that this Christian community would be loving and Christ-like showing what they have been changed into because of His love. Nope. Pranks, bad-mouthing, open complaining to professors and administrators is what she has been met with. She tried to hide it for a while but eventually Matt picked up on it. So my wonderful husband stood up for her. He took her to meet some other Muslims that we know, and told her to come to us if she needs anything. She was very, very grateful and surprised that Matt would do that for her. He stood up for a victim of bullying and in that showed her (in my opinion) a glimpse of Christ-like love. And I'm proud of him.

Balance

Balance. Something I have been trying to find for a good while now. I took a job with Banana Republic thinking the stability of the job would bring balance. Just the opposite. I NEVER have anything close to a dependable schedule, it changes every week. I feel so torn at work too; there is no continuity in management, everyone has favorites and it shows- the associates complain about it and the only thing I can do is try to bring some balance.
My house is always in various states of decay. Sigh....I have never been good at putting things away and I am finding it really hard for me to pick up after Matt and I at the same time. I make excuses as to why things aren't working with it, I'm tired, back hurts, it can wait....well I'm about stick and tired of clutter and mess and I just want my floors clean on a regular basis so I stop feeling stressed just by coming home.
I don't see friends nearly enough, this is part of just becoming an adult it seems...blows. 
The most pressing situation currently is my body. It is NOT balanced. I had to change birth controls earlier in the year and for the first time in 10 years of being on this medication I gained copious amounts of weight. In 6 months I have gained 2 cup sizes on my bra and 20 lbs. All of this can't be contributed to birth control though, the truth is I stopped keeping things in check- I lost balance. At first I actually liked my larger curves, Matt likes my body, which is probably one of the only things keeping me sane.  I didn't think it was that big of a deal until I noticed I was making a conscious effort to avoid all mirrors. I told myself it was okay because flowy clothing was in style and I convinced myself it wasn't my fault. My self confidence has shrank to almost nothing over the past month and then came Christmas. The day after I had to pack for our trip to New Orleans, sooooo excited. Until I realized- nothing fits. Nothing at all. I sat and cried for hours because I had so looked forward to our trip, imagined the pictures of us together, all the skirts I could wear with the warmer weather and none of it worked.
I have these giant boobs that my husband loves and they don't fit in anything. When they do I look like I could feed a village of children. Matt likes my hips but they prevent me from wearing 90% of my pants. My heart has rapid palpitations and I can't even run mile now. This Will NOT Do. I'm tired of avoiding how I look, and even more pressing- we can't afford a new wardrobe for me. Not to mention I know I am causing health problems being this way. Why do I say all this? Because I am rather depressed and I am tired of avoiding mirrors. I used to believe I was beautiful and now I see lazy. And, it's true.
I come home from work and say it's okay that I sit on the couch becasue work is just "so hard"- I am wallowing in self pity using everything as an excuse for another till I have become this person I don't know. Someone without drive, a dirty house, a job I dislike, a body I dislike and me being horridly unfair to my husband by making him wallow around with me. So, there you go- it's intensely embarrassing for me to say all this- which is why I am. I am motivated when I am embarrassed. So here's to hoping I can find some balance in this new year, starting with my body, hoping it will lead to a better, balanced, Stacie.